I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me.

It’s Sunday, June 15, and for the past week and a half, I’ve been avoiding the Max app. The thought of watching “And Just Like That” filled me with dread. The thought of watching each episode 3 times, painstakingly taking notes and photos of lines or scenes I wanted to make fun of, just wasn’t appealing. Watching this show is no longer a fun hate-watch, like Miranda watching “Bi Bingo.” It’s just a pure hate-watch, coupled with the disappointment at how these formerly beloved characters have become caricatures of themselves.

And so, I can’t commit to recapping episodes the way I did in season 2. I may be a snarky bitch, but shitting on something with so few glimmers of hope just isn’t fun. I’m going to take a new approach, simply ranking each character and charting their growth (or lack thereof) week over week. Let’s get into season 3, episode 2, and please, let me know your thoughts!

1. Anthony: he’s finally opening up a brick-and-mortar bakery! And the door handles are already custom-fabricated as loaves of bread! Congrats, mogul!

2. Adam the Gardener: a native New Yorker who had a successful T-shirt store when he was in high school and now owns his own landscaping business. Another mogul! He did Liv Tyler’s garden! He rescued Shoe when she got outside! And will probably end up hooking up with Carrie!

3. Ava, the Guacamole Girl: just wants to make the table-side guac, talk about reality TV with some restaurant patrons, and go home to her husband and two kids without being hit on by a confused lesbian.

4. Miranda: speaking of confused lesbians…despite suffering a mortifying moment when she asks out Guacamole Girl, she’s doing OK — Joy from the BBC appeared at her office and they flirted a bit, and Miranda finally discovered the joys of hate-watching shitty reality TV. I assume the hate-watching comment is supposed to be a little nod to those of us who hate-watch this show, but let me clear: hate-watching this show is nowhere near as fun as hate-watching shitty reality TV. I should know. I just spent the last 7 months catching up on 10 seasons of “Vanderpump Rules.”

5. Lois Fingerhood: probably doesn’t get paid enough to deal with crazy parents stalking her.

6. Seema: redeemed herself a bit throughout this episode. We get a montage of her dating predictably awful men, who she reads for filth. I’m starting to think she just needs to find a therapist to figure out how to be happy by herself. But then her business partner sets her up with a matchmaker, Sydney, who tells her that she has to change everything about herself to successfully find a man. I’m not sure what in the Grease we’re doing here but Seema goes on one date wearing full pastels and pearls and folds by the end, telling her date that she hates the wine he chose and she doesn’t like tiramisu. The man promptly dips out, Sydney the matchmaker appears to tells Seema she’s doing this all wrong, and Seema tells Sydney she’d rather be alone forever than do things Sydney’s way. Go off, queen.

7. Lily: made out with Diego the dancer! Congrats, girl, I thought he was interested in Giuseppe! But also suffers a panic attack after being told she’s “too well-rounded” by an “Ivy League whisperer” counselor. And of course, being both Asian and adopted is too on-the-nose as well.

8. Charlotte and LTW: are getting ranked together because their entire storylines were intertwined this episode. After realizing other parents at their kids’ school have hired Lois Fingerhood, a famous Ivy League consultant counselor, Charlotte proceeds to “hack” into her private Instagram (simply requests to follow it with an anonymized profile photo). Charlotte and LTW show up at Lois’ kid’s baseball game and demand she meet with Lily and Herbert Jr. She tells the kids they’re too privileged and basic (true) and then storms out after overhearing Charlotte saying “fuck Lois” to Lily. Fair enough.

9. Herbert Junior: finally realizes he lives a life of privilege after Lois tells him lacrosse is too bougie for the Ivy Leagues.

10. Carrie: discovers a huge family of rats is living in her garden. Finally calls out Aidan for setting confusing boundaries and they have a mature discussion, but then also compares the garden of rats to their relationship. Promising!!! After their mature convo, she then gets mad at Aidan when he sends a thumbs-down emoji instead of explaining why he doesn’t like a table Carrie likes. Instead of communicating the way we know they can, she passive-aggressively sends an eye-roll emoji (…my personal favorite) back to him, like a real adult!! Is probably going to sleep with Adam the gardener.

11. Aidan: finally admits he overreacted by telling Carrie he had to be no-contact with her (great!), and tells Carrie she can call or text him anytime, yet responds only with an emoji when we know this man has opinions about furniture. Also makes fun of Carrie for reading a real newspaper.

12. Carrie’s former neighbor Lisette, who is now living in Carrie’s old apartment: thinks dating was easier “back then,” as in the 1800s. When women couldn’t open property and had no rights. Chucked her phone over her head at a bar, bonking some random dude on the head. Also made Carrie an ugly necklace.

MPK didn’t write this episode, so all wasn’t lost, but it also wasn’t found, either.

Until next time—