Outlook not so good
The woman wondered what she had gotten herself into.
Third time’s the charm? Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, Seema, and Lisa Todd Wexley (LTW to her friends) have come screaming back into our lives and our TV screens for a third season. Nya and Che have (blessedly, for the latter) departed. The Che break was fairly clean—they and Miranda finally ended whatever nonsense was between them—but there’s no mention of Nya in this episode which seems odd. She’s just gone. The uneven writing and extremely choppy editing, though, remain. But, I’m getting ahead of myself!
When last we left, Carrie and Seema were in Greece commiserating over their long-distance relationship (Seema with movie director Ravi) and paused (?) relationship (Carrie with Aidan, yet again). Miranda and Steve had buried the hatchet to become friends, Charlotte was kicking ass at her gallery job and telling Harry to help out more around the house. LTW had had a miscarriage and was working on a documentary pitch to PBS, and her husband, whose name I can’t remember, was running for city Comptroller. Carrie had a burgeoning friendship with Lisette, her downstairs neighbor in the UES building, whom I hope is never to be seen again because there are already too many weird storylines on this show.
With no indication of how much time has passed, the third season of The Most Disappointing Show Of Our Time opens with Carrie addressing a nearly-blank postcard to Aidan, who is in Virginia with his troubled 13-year-old son. It’s a short scene sans dialogue, and Carrie’s stunning Gramercy Park house seems to still be a work in progress.
We’re treated to a beautiful exterior shot of the house, as well as this stunning Simone Rocha outfit. Now, it’s a lovely outfit, but it’s so…matchy. Carrie has never been one to wear an outfit like this in its entirety. I long for the days when she would pair that coat with hot pants, 3 belts masquerading as a shirt, and a hat with a bird. Pat Field is, still, sorely missed.
As Chappell Roan’s “HOT TO GO!” comes on, we transition to a lesbian bar where Charlotte and Carrie are acting as Miranda’s wingwomen—and not great ones, from the looks of it. Charlotte calls the blank postcards Carrie and Aidan are sending to one another “better than nothing.” The bar is truly on the floor. Someone needs to have a CTJ moment with Carrie about this situation.
Meanwhile, Seema is asleep in lingerie when she’s awoken by a FaceTime. It’s not Ravi, who is busy directing a movie in Egypt, but Ravi’s assistant.
From Seema’s reaction, this is not the first time Ravi has sent his assistant to a FaceTime call in his stead.
She then proceeds to hang up, light a cigarette, fall asleep, and promptly light her mattress on fire.
I refuse to believe this wouldn’t have caused more damage than just her mattress going up in flames and singeing her hair. Honestly the whole thing is so dangerous I can’t even chuckle. Bitch, be grateful.
Back at the gay bar, things seem to be winding down when Miranda finally catches someone’s eye. And who should it be but iconic lesbian Rosie O’Donnell!
I unabashedly love this guest appearance.
Rosie introduces herself to Miranda as Mary. Despite being in New York from Canada for work, Mary still has a fairly strong New York accent. Rosie couldn’t really be bothered, which I kind of also love.
It’s still the middle of the night, and LTW wakes up Herbert in a scene that would be fairly useless except for the inclusion of these fab L’Oreal Elnett Hairspray-printed pajamas that I am truly obsessed with. I wish we had gotten more glimpses of them.
LTW is stressed about her pitch and that’s the end of that scene.
In the light of day, Mary and Miranda wake up and Mary recaps the night so effusively that it’s obvious something is up.
Turns out, it’s Mary’s first time having sex with anyone—she’s a nun, which she conveniently did not reveal to Miranda the night prior.
This storyline feels like a nice return to Ye Olden Days of SATC when one of our gals would wind up in bed with a total weirdo. I love it, tbh. Miranda needs to date and sleep around a bit more considering she left her husband (Justice for Steve!) for the weirdest person on the planet and hasn’t really explored her sexuality fully.
In what looks like Carl Schurz Park but might also be Central Park, Charlotte and LTW encounter a Park Karen (PK) who screams at Charlotte, accusing Mr. Burton of being off-leash and attacking her dog a few weeks ago.
Other than the fact that this is the same woman who also screamed “Murder!” at Samantha for wearing fur way back in 2008, I can’t bring myself to care about this storyline.
Park Karen is also a funeral director who we encountered in Season 1 of this show, and played the piano during a tap dance lesson that Charlotte took during her divorce from Trey. It’s a small world in the SATC universe.
At home, Charlotte rants about PK to her family and Rock tells her to “believe women” which both doesn’t apply here and is also dreadfully on the nose for Rock.
In Washington Square Park, Seema and Carrie are eating ice cream surrounded by NYU grads and this giant hat that is styled like a huge ice pack. I am admittedly not a hat person, but my very close friend JoAnn is (subscribe to her substack!), and she told me the styling should have been a little more Hershey kiss-like. While it’s still not quite my cup of tea, I can’t help but continue to wonder what is up with the styling on this show.
Meanwhile, LTW is wrapping up her presentation to the PBS folks.
I still can’t type “sheroes” with a straight face. Are the writers aware it is not 2017?
LTW is interrupted by a phone call from her husband and inexplicably takes it.
Herbert (his name!) is still running for Comptroller and asks if he’s cool because his campaign manager has correctly assessed that he’s not.
The committee LTW is presenting to wants to swap out one of LTW’s choices for Michelle Obama, who is clearly the opposite of “unsung.” LTW and her partner are not pleased but imo, she needs a strong marketing hook for this docu-series and Michelle Obama’s inclusion is guaranteed to get it some press.
Back in Gramercy Park, Carrie is trying to teach her cat to stay away from velvet (?) when she receives an alarm alert that her kitchen door is open. She calls the security company on her way down the massive staircase (fun fact, her identifying code is “Carrie and Aidan”) and we’re treated to an ominous close-up shot of her besocked feet on the hardwood floor. Carrie, girl, as someone who once slid across her hardwood floors and ended up with a golf-ball size lump on the head, please be careful.
I thought the open kitchen door meant Aidan might be making an appearance but alas, it’s just a sensor issue. Carrie asks the security company to not send the police and then promptly bites it on her hardwood floors.
We’re treated to an overhead shot of Carrie flat on her back calling Miranda, which does make cackle in delight—an obvious reference to Miranda’s infamous thrown-back when Carrie couldn’t come to her aid so she sent Aidan instead.
The best part of this show is its references to the OG, which does not a good show make.
Miranda comes over, sans bullshit bagels, and shares her sapphic slip-up from the night before.
I will die on the hill that this is a sentence Michael Patrick King up with and then shoehorned a storyline around. This is a classic over-done MPK line read and frankly I’m exhausted with this show.
Mary invites Miranda to Tavern on the Green (why did they exchange numbers?!?!) and Miranda and Carrie commence making fun of tourists.
At the Todd-Wexleys’, we’re treated to a scene that doesn’t matter much except to set the stage for an upcoming Comptroller campaign cocktail party at Red Rooster and to introduce us to Eugenia, a collectors’ item doll that belongs to LTW’s daughter.
Over at Lincoln Center, Anthony greets Carrie by breaking into song—the theme song from “That Girl,” specifically. This feels like an MPK inside joke that I don’t get and don’t care to. Anthony is still with Giuseppe, who we are supposed to remember is a writer despite that fact not being included in the pre-episode Season 2 recap. Apparently Anthony hasn’t been updated on the Aidan/Carrie sabbatical and he’s confused. Carrie is wearing another matchy-matchy outfit with a pussy-bow that I hate. Charlotte’s kids show up sans Charlotte, who is looking for a doggy day car for Mr. Burton, and they all go inside for a ballet dress rehearsal.
While waiting for the ballet to start, Anthony grills Carrie on how long Aidan is out of town for and Carrie gets increasingly more annoyed. Giuseppe asks Carrie about her next book, and she admits she hasn’t opened her laptop in weeks.
Lily has a crush on one of the ballet dancers. I cannot be made to care about these kids’ personal and sex lives.
Charlotte arrives to a doggy day care, where we learn Mr. Burton is banned because PK’s dog Peanut is already in attendance. Again I ask, why is this Charlotte’s storyline when she was being a gallery boss in the S2 finale???
At the ballet, Lily is still entranced by her ballet dancer crush. During the curtain call, the dancer smiles, seemingly at Lily, but I worry he might be more into Giuseppe than her.
Anthony is still quizzing Carrie about Aidan. “What are you supposed to do? Sit in the castle like Rapunzel?” After Carrie and Rock depart for cheeseburgers (oddly specific), Giuseppe grills Anthony on why he kept badgering Carrie.
It’s giving Shinto Monk Stanford Blatch, before he was a monk.
Carrie arrives back to her huge empty house, consoled only by Shoe and, for some reason, a Magic 8 ball.
She shakes it and it settles on “outlook good.” Everyone watching this show begs to differ.
The scene ends abruptly, and then Carrie is awoken in the middle of the night by a call from Aidan. (It’s extremely on brand that Carrie’s iPhone has the old-school sounding ringer as its ring tone.)
Aidan is drunk-dialing Carrie from a field, 3 beers deep. There is a horrendous Wyatt pun that I refuse to dignify with a screenshot, and then Aidan says he doesn’t want to waste his buzz on his kid. He aches for Carrie. There is nothing I want less than to watch them have phone sex.
Due to SJP’s contract (I assume), we watch Aidan have phone sex by himself while Carrie makes eye contact with Shoe the Cat and gets increasingly uncomfortable—but not as uncomfortable as we viewers are while watching Aidan lick his hand.
The next day, Miranda gets a text from Mary inviting her to the Central Park Carousel, which is something I did when I was an 18-year-old intern and never again. Mary’s tourist sincerity is at odds with Miranda’s seasoned cynicism and again, this storyline feels charmingly like an episode of the OG. I don’t hate it. The bar for this show is as low as it is for those blank postcards.
At Seema’s, she’s getting a new bed installed when Ravi shows up, apparently two hours earlier than instructed.
This is where Seema continues to lose me. She’s supposed to be in love with Ravi, she demanded he come to New York after she almost died in a self-inflicted fire, and she’s mad at him for being early??? This relationship is not long for this world.
The next morning, Ravi is jet-lagged and up early. He has reserved a table at Jean-Georges for lunch. Before they can enjoy the $128pp 3-course lunch tasting menu, though, they have to scout a few locations for Ravi’s movie.
Seema is displeased, to put it mildly.
Over at LTW’s, Charlotte is tearfully describing how Park Karen is cyber-bulling Mr. Burton on his Instagram account. I am begging MPK to give Kristin Davis something else to do.
Charlotte tells LTW that she refuses to pay for Peanut’s MRI bill, insisting that Mr. Burton is gentle.
Cut to Mr. Burton chewing the leg of Eugenia, “a free girl from pre-Civil War New Orleans,” aka the keepsake doll that belongs to LTW’s daughter.
If you’ll allow a quick interlude to our recap—the scene immediately brought me back to the late ’90s, when one of our family dogs infamously chewed the leg off my sister’s Addy American Girl doll. Our dad was not a fan of Chloe the dog (…because she did things like this), so our mom secretly shipped Addy off to the American Girl Doll Hospital where a new leg was attached. However, this of course did not escape our dad’s notice, and several weeks (months?) later, Chloe took a shit on the kitchen table after being outside for several hours, and she was re-homed. (Chloe was not a dog that liked to compete with other dogs and kids for attention, and we had plenty of each, so it really was for the best.)
Anyway, Eugenia is fine; no need for a visit to a Doll Hospital for her. But Charlotte’s confidence in her “favorite child” (Lily’s words) is shaken.
Elsewhere, Ravi’s location scouting is still in progress. They are in Red Hook, which is extremely not close to Jean-Georges.
Seema calls Carrie to complain about this situation and again, I am decidedly not invested in her and Ravi’s relationship. Are we supposed to believe she really likes Ravi? If someone I am in love with comes to visit New York from Egypt, I would spend time doing literally anything with them. Seema is extremely unlikeable and I hate this storyline too.
In the park, Charlotte approaches Park Karen and finally agrees to pay for Peanut’s MRI bill, even though it’s still “conjecture” that Mr. Burton attacked Peanut. Suddenly, another dog comes running over, attacking PK’s husband(?). The attacking dog is clearly not Mr. Burton, who is still on leash. Charlotte gives a very Charlotte speech, telling PK to stop cyber-bullying Mr. Burton and huffs away, redeemed.
Truly what is the point of this storyline except to bring this actress back.
Ravi has finally found his location. I can’t tell where in New York it is but it’s certainly a dilapidated-looking dock. They’ve now scouted locations all day and have now also missed dinner. “I’ve lost track of time,” Ravi says.
We’re treated to a weird parody of a break-up at the end of a movie. Ravi is clearly a workaholic but the writers have also done nothing to make us believe these two are compatible. I don’t care about this breakup one bit.
Cut to Herbert’s cocktail reception at Red Rooster. Carrie shares the Aidan phone sex update with Miranda and Charlotte, and how she now feels dishonest. Please, no more phone sex, I beg of you, MPK.
We’re treated to another classic MPK line-reading from Anthony before Herbert gives a short speech and then introduces his college a cappella group. Not a great way to appear more cool, but OK.
Anthony gives a heartfelt apology to Carrie, who forgives him, acknowledging that he’s not the only one who has opinions about Carrie and Aidan; he’s just the only one to say them out loud. Fair enough.
Chauncey, Herbert’s campaign manager, scolds Lisa for letting him sing with his a cappella group. I’m not sure why that is LTW’s fault. She has a job; Chauncey needs to do his. Turns out, Chauncey worked in the White House. We don’t yet know which White House, but! a potential hook-up to Michelle!
Miranda gets another text from Mary, who just saw “Wicked” and wants to meet up in every New Yorker’s favorite spot, the M&M Store in Times Square. I’ll give Miranda credit: “Not responding feels so mean. She’s really really nice. Plus it was her first time.”
Cut to Times Square, where tourists are posing with a huge gorilla. Mary has brought Miranda customized M&Ms. M for Miranda and M for Mary. She is enthralled with New York, with “Wicked,” and with Miranda.
While Miranda is trying to gently tell Mary to beat it, the gorilla hits her in the head. Miranda tries to impart her head-earned Che lessons on Mary, but for naught. Mary would never leave God. They’re married.
Mary then breaks into a rendition of “For Good” from“Wicked.” On brand. Mary is the antithesis of Che and tbh, I’m kind of here for it. Can we please see more Miranda dating escapades?? And what happened to Joy from the BBC?
Back at the Gramercy Park house, Carrie calls Aidan from bed. He is also in bed. She confesses that she faked the phone sex. Please dear god, I don’t want to watch them have phone sex again. Luckily, Aidan is in bed with Wyatt so it’s not exactly the best time for him. They hang up and Carrie’s security alarm goes off again, screeching that the kitchen door is open. I feel like this must be a metaphor for something but I don’t feel like figuring out for what.
After going back to her tiny bed and tossing restlessly, Carrie gets up, walks to her desk at the window and…opens her laptop. She writes, “The woman wondered what she had gotten herself into,” and, honestly, same.
We get a pensive shot of Carrie at her window, staring at her laptop, and again I say, it’s extremely concerning that the best things about this show are the throwbacks to the original. This show is a money-grab and everyone involved should be embarrassed. I’m a little embarrassed for devoting so many words to it.
End Notes:
Harry pronounces “Whole Foods” with a strange emphasis on “Foods.”
We see NYU grads in their gowns which sets the stage for the timing of this season—early- to mid-May. Season 2 ended with Carrie and Seema going to Greece instead of The Hamptons and Anthony still didn’t have the Aidan update in this episode, so I think it’s safe to assume not much time has passed between seasons in this universe.
While Red Rooster has a cool aesthetic for filming purposes, I maintain that the Todd-Wexleys would have a cocktail reception at Tatiana.
Why does Carrie just randomly have a Magic 8 ball lying around? (It also looks massive in SJP’s hands since she’s so tiny.)
Is Carrie still sleeping in a queen-size bed?
I have to assume there will be some payoff with Charlotte’s children feeling neglected due to how much attention she gives Mr. Burton.
Seema’s “Maybe I lost track of me” is giving “I love you, but I love me more” from our queen Samantha Jones.
Harry’s Boomer white man moves during the a cappella moment. That’s all.
A lot of time spent on making fun of tourists in this episode. I’m not sure who MPK thinks the audience for this show is, but I assume a lot of them have been tourists in New York before and maybe don’t want to be made fun of.
Everyone involved in this show needs to take back their dignity and end this series on a high note. I will keep hoping for less phone sex and more emotional payoff but I’m not optimistic.
What did everyone else think?
Such a great recap, as always! I died laughing over this: "There is a horrendous Wyatt pun that I refuse to dignify with a screenshot." MPK line reads!
I really hope Rosie comes back for another episode. After Steve and Che, Miranda deserves some sincerity in a relationship.
Also I want to know where SJP and Rock are getting cheeseburgers near Lincoln Center. The Shake Shack at Columbus Circle??